The Legendary Meeting
by That Fire Crystal is a Spy
Summary: Pyro and Soldier are having a lovely day, until a certain jerk shows up...    Oneshot


One day in the bowls of 2fort, a.k.a. Hell, Soldier was talking to Satan, a.k.a. Pyro, about how nice his tea set was. Suddenly they heard tiny footsteps. "Good god it's scout again" said Soldier drinking tea.

"Maybe we should talk to him for once" said the beautiful mask-less pyro. She was eating cookies like a dog as usual.

Soldier almost wanted to kill her for suggesting that." I will never talk to that little bastard as long as I live! Now if you don't want to die I suggest you put your mask back on."

Scout finally came down the stairs like the little douchebag he is. "Hey bastards! Whatcha doin'? Talkin' 'bout how nice your tea set is. HA! I'm funny"

"I will let you know, maggot, that we are talking about how nice my rocket launcher is! Now go back to Mommy and eat some cookies with her! Unless you want to get killed by me! NOW SCRAM!"

As scout exited the intel room, who else but heavy enters. "Hello little baby men! How are you doing? I hope you are getting ready for early morning battle!" which is when heavy kisses his gun. Suddenly a bodyless voice sings "Who else but heavy?"

As the voice sang the 'Who Else But Heavy' song, spy entered the room. "And what are you all doing in here? Are you talking about Soldier's tea set again? Really, I don't get why you all love talking about it so much."

Then, who else but Medic joins the party. "Let me guess, you are all talking about Soldier's tea set again? You are all such dummkopfs. I svear."

"I WILL LET YOU KNOW THAT MY TEA SET WAS MADE OUT OF THE FINEST SILVER MINED FROM GODS SHIT! I would appreciate it if you didn't make fun of it so much. Dumb asses" ranted the Soldier.

"Really, Soldier? Really?" said the Spy in his most rude voice.

"Maybe you baby men should not talk about shit tea set and talk about weapons. And how we steal intel from blu's, They won't know how fast I can run until they see me have heart attack." gloated Heavy. He is really dumb.

"Yes Heavy, you can run really fast. Like a Scout, almost!" supported Medic. As he went to the battlements of the field, the scout returned.

"Yah know, I decided I'd let that little comment from earlier slide. Now why don't you have some of my canned peanut brittle? Yah know, as a peace offering" said the Scout suspiciously.

"Do you think I'm dumb or something boy! I will not fall for your childish prank! Now go away before I gib you to smithereens!" shouted the Soldier.

Heavy really loved peanut brittle, so he snatched the can out of Scouts hands." I will accept most kind offering! I love peanut brittle!" and as he opened the can out came the holy and cruel Demopan, as epic music played in the background.

"Who has awakened me from my slumber?" said the Demopan as he drank scrumpy from the small scrumpy compartment in his frying pan.

The heavy was absolutely terrified at the sight of Demopan. He didn't want to mention anything to him until spy said in his voice "I summoned you! And I am morbidly obese! And I want to marry my sandwich!"

Instead of getting mad at Heavy and destroying him, he thanked Heavy. "I have been in that peanut

brittle can for years! And for that I will grant you a wish. Any wish at all mate! You can wish for me to destroy the entire word if you want."

"I wish that I had as nice a tea set as Soldier!" asked Heavy.

"You really want that? I mean, you could wish for anything in the world! You could even wish for more wishes if you wanted. You could get anything in the world. The whole world! You could even wish to be ruler of the world!"

"No, I want as nice a tea set as Soldier has!" Heavy pleaded as he was being pat on the back by Medic.

"Why is your Medic patting you on the back?" asked Demopan.

"Oh, it's just my daily burping. Now grant my wish!" said Heavy very happily.

"Okay then. Here you go" said Demopan in a very annoyed tone."Now if you don't mind, I'm off to destroy the world with my best friend Robotic Richard Simmons" as he summoned the evil beast.

"Dear god Heavy, what have you done! You have screwed the entire world you moron!" said the Spy as he watched in terror.

When suddenly Engineer comes down to the basement and sees Demopan has been released."WHO IN SAM'S HELL OPENED THE PEANUT BRITTLE CAN? NOW ALL OF US WILL DIE!" he said in horror.

Scout was smiling eerily now."That's right. I've found the peanut brittle can that Gordan Freeman sealed him away in! Now I'll have my revenge on yah bastards! This is for all the times yah jackasses made fun of me! This is for making fun of me because my Ma's apparently hot! And let's not forget the worst one of all, how yah all always just call me boy instead of by my codename! Yah see, Demopan was created by God and Gordan Freeman to destroy the world, until they met some real hot mamas, so they locked him away into the can of peanut brittle. They swore never to unleash him unless the hotties they dated cheated on them! When Gordan Freeman destroyed God and he took his place, he had hidden the fabled can in the mountains of the Himalayas and put a horrible beast to guard the jail of Demopan until Gordan Freeman gave him the word. And when I killed the Yeti and stole the legendary can, the only thing I needed to do was trick Heavy into opening it. The only thing that can open the can is hands just as powerful as Gordan Freeman's. I knew just how strong that Heavy was, so I just did what I did, and ta-da! You're all gonna die!"

Spy smacked scout upside the head. "You mean to tell me that you unleashed the terrible Demopan for petty revenge! What is wrong with you boy! You do know that you're going to die with all of us, too, right!" said the Spy angrily.

Scout was really embarrassed now. "I didn't think of that. Dear god we're all gonna die! I WANT MY MA!" cried the really dumb Scout.

"We can not sit and cry like little baby men! We must stop scary Demopan and save world! Now come with me if you think you are up to the task!" cheered on the Heavy. When suddenly a Russian flag dropped down behind the Heavy.

"Where did the flag come from?" asked the Soldier.

"I keep it around so that I can use it for dramatic effect" answered the Heavy "Now, we must go and gather everyone to defeat most gruesome enemy! Who is with me?"

"We are all going to die, aren't we?" asked the Spy.

"Most likely" said the Engineer.

The Scout was crying and sucking his thumb in the corner by now. Heavy slapped Scout the face and screamed "WE CANNOT CRY AND SUCK THUMB AT MOST DEADLY TIME! WE ARE NOT BABIES! NOW GET UP AND FIGHT!"

"But we're all gonna die like Spy said. It's no use, man." moaned the almost mentally retarded Scout.

"Yes, we will all most likely die" said the Heavy who is somewhat smarter than Scout "but, we can not die without a fight. Now, who is with me!"

"I'm with yah, mate!" said the Sniper who just recently came down" I'll show that bloke of a wanker who's boss!"

"Great! Now, everyone else who will fight in this battle with me, come to the battlements!" said the brave Heavy.

When everyone who would fight the most cruel and evil Scottish cyclopes came to the battlements, they had all seen that he was collecting energy. He was glowing brightly by now.

"What the hell, is trying to make a spirit bomb or something? Do you think we're fighting a relative of Goku, Spy?" asked the almost certainly mentally retarded Scout.

"You do know that Goku is an anime character, don't you? As in not real" said the really pissed off Spy.

"You mean the man I looked up to since I was 5 isn't real! I can't believe this! I used to try to do the kame-hame-ha since I was 7!" said the certainly retarded Scout in surprise.

The Announcer finally came over the intercom and said "Well, you unleashed Demopan and now we are all going to die. I'm going to my other house in the parallel universe now. Good luck defeating him."

The world was going to be obliterated and the TF2 classes were ready to die, but not without a fight.

10 minutes later.

Everyone has been killed by Demopan and the Earth is in ruins. Now the new world can begin. With what else but a pink bunny named Richard.

The End.


End file.
